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I don't know about you, but after reading what seems like the millionth gushing, 'fan encounter' report ('He remembered me from the book signing two years ago') the nastier, meaner side of me is waiting desperately to read some gossip on what the cast are REALLY like. Even the professional press have fallen for the Peter 'we only hired nice people' Jackson soundbite, and they seem to have fallen for it hook, line and sinker. I mean, come on! Nobody's THAT nice! Well if you wanted to read some 'dirt' as a change to all of that insidious sycophancy, you've come to the right place!
Except... not really! Sorry to say there appear to be no 'hidden skeletons' to report on. No tales of fan requests refused. No stories of actorly tantrums. No accounts of drunken excesses in hotel bars. Well OK, maybe there's some mileage to be had from that last one! ;-) In all seriousness, it was patently obvious that without exception the cast and crew threw themselves into this event, determined to work hard and ensure everyone had a good time. The net result is that there are now even more fans out there writing about 'how nice the cast all are'.
		Recalling how I felt after my own 24 hour flight to New Zealand for the final movie premiere - as if I'd been given an illegal hallucinogenic drug, truth be told - I was all the more amazed to hear Cameron Rhodes say, when asked, that he had flown in from New Zealand just the afternoon before. Watching the man sign endless autographs, deliver endless panels, enthusiastically lead hobbit dancing lessons and then show up for the evening's 'Festival Feast' was typical of the sort of dedication I saw from all the convention guests time-and-time-again over the weekend (Was it my imagination or did Farmer Maggot's grip on the tin of 'Red Bull' he was carrying around most of that first day get tighter and tighter as the day went on?!). Anybody in any doubt as to how 'nice' the cast are had only to attend the event's charity auction. Substantial sums of money were raised for a 'Beat Bullying' charity (the irony being that Craig got repeatedly bullied by Mark throughout the whole proceedings!) Somehow, suffering from one of his infamous self-confessed 'blonde moments', Craig Parker found he was bidding against himself for one of the items. Having paid £120 for it, it was entirely typical of the actor to then give it away to the lad who had first bid £80 for the item. In all honesty, how many movie actors do you see doing that sort of thing, and with such good grace too?! While the Q & A panels were the mainstay of the main 'Hall of Fire', other activities took place there. The panels themselves were fascinating to those new to this sort of event, even if they offered little new in the way of 'detailed minutae' to those jaded old hacks like myself who feel that by now they've probably heard or read every little story and anecdote there is to be told many times over, thanks to the extended DVDs, countless internet interviews, or personal accounts at events like this. Feel free to send 'Ian, you really need to get a life' to the email address at the bottom of all these reports! As previously mentioned, the questions were thankfully more sensible than I'm used to, and all guests were frank and honest - probably a little TOO frank and honest where Bernard Hill's panel, with young children in the audience, was concerned and talk about the C-bago (and associated C- items) and a new use for tampons came up. While Mark Ferguson gently chided Hill for being fairly dismissive of J.R.R. Tolkien's books in front of an audience of the book's fans, such honesty was typical of what, in my experience, fans appreciate most about the cast - and this movie's cast, in particular. One of the highlights of the panels for me occurred when somebody, with a very 'train spotter'-like voice asked Hill if he would be appearing in Peter Jackson's sequel, the fourth film in the trilogy. Bernard bluffed and blustered a 'polite' reply about it being difficult to appear in a sequel when you'd been killed, before the same person asked another question. 'Is it true that nobody wanted to appear next to you on screen because you smelt so much? And is it true that you didn't wash or change clothes for two weeks?'. Bernard suddenly rumbled what many in the audience had not - that the person asking the questions was a mischievous Karl Urban, who'd sneaked away from his minder to wind his old friend up. Two of the highlights in 'The Hall of Fire' were a talk about Weta Workshop from Gino Acevido and Lawrence Makaore (Did Lawrence look every inch a Hollywood star on the Saturday, or what?!), illustrating early designs and how the film's look was achieved and the world premiere (advertised as an 'exclusive' for the event, although I doubt it will stay that way) of 'Radio Play'. It's hard to explain what 'Radio Play' (performed three times over the three days) was about, so let me quote Mark Ferguson's introduction to the piece: "In the past it's been said that perhaps we've been a little shallow, and it's been said that we need to up our intellectual game. Well they can no longer claim this about us because we have a scholastic and intellectual first. We've uncovered in the depths and bowels of Oxford University a rare manuscript. You are privileged to be the first to hear it. Yes we believe it's been written by the great professor himself (sniggers and turns to Craig with a raised eyebrow): We believe? And it's called 'Lord of the Rings 4: The Return of the Towering Fellowship'" Before I get inundated with requests for a transcript of this rare manuscript, I should perhaps add that Craig Parker saw the manuscript in a slightly different light. "It was actually discovered behind the cistern of a basement disused toilet In Oxford" he revealed. What followed this introduction was a hilarious half hour with Mark and Craig joined by Sarah McLeod and Cameron Rhodes playing multiple 'radio' roles in a story of how Frodo returned from The Grey Havens (or should that be The Gay Havens?) to his beloved Sam in order to help thwart a resurrected Haldir seemingly intent upon exacting revenge for his premature death in the second movie. Bruce Hopkins, armed only with a cell phone and a basket of snacks, and given the script mere seconds before arriving on stage, had the difficult job of providing 'realistic' sound effects. Jokes ranged from the corny ('Knock! Knock!', 'Who's there?', 'Haldir', 'Haldir who?', 'Exactly. That's show business!') to real laugh-out-loud 'my-stomach-hurts' belly laughs. References to fan culture abounded. Craig Parker, as Legolas ('son of Legoland'), taking lessons at the Rivendance School of Elf Deportment grossly over-acted the lines he had in responding to a request to rejoin the Fellowship: 'Your quest has me aquiver with excitement! I shall be as straight and hard as an arrow for thee! Pluck firmly at my bow strings. Draw me taut as I burst, aquiver in your hand and release…' before thankfully being interrupted by an appalled Ferguson with 'Legolas! Legolas! Have you been reading your own slash stories?' The humour was more 'Blackpool seaside post card' saucy than outright rude with lines like 'Who are you?', 'I'm Figwit's brother', 'What's your name?' 'Fugwit'. Well, you get the idea! Of course the fans loved it! Much of the humour came not so much from the play itself but from the cameraderie and mickey-taking the cast members publicly displayed, and the play was different every time it was performed. Craig Parker found himself stitched up good and proper when a line that in the first performance had been written to be deliberately interrupted half-way through before it got too rude (a reference to the convenience of the height of hobbits after Legolas and Frodo first meet and embrace in a hug) was subsequently deliberately not interrupted, leaving the actor trying desperately to avoid being outright obscene when Ferguson mischievously delayed delivering his interruption line. Bruce Hopkins probably suffered the most, having foolishly revealed that after the first performance he had spent considerable time learning the script so as to be better prepared for the second performance. "Why have we got the sound of a squawking seagull when the script says 'squealing baby'?" asked Craig Parker, at one point. Hopefully, you get the drift! It has to be said that Parker himself seemed unsure at times as to whether he was playing Gollum or Yoda from 'Star Wars' and as the dual Gollum/Smeagol performances went on Yoda seemed to increasingly take over until by the third performance it seemed that Gollum/Smeagol had become Yoda/Fozzie Bear. It was classic stuff and, rightly, brought the house down.
Forward to page 3 of this report Back to page 1 of this report Elsewhere, you can read the interview with the event organiser or Sound Bites from Craig Parker, Sarah McLeod and Bernard Hill
Don't forget you can check out reports of lots of other Lord of the Rings -themed events in the Web Logs section

Email: ian@iansmith.co.uk